Haryanvi and his wisdom

I have taken leave from work that day to take my motor-cycle to the mechanic. I knew it will be a long day at mechanic because there was a problem in the gear-box and it takes good one day to fix it. I wanted to be the first one at the mechanic (it works on first come first serve) that morning so I left early from my place.

When I reached there, I figured I wasn't the first one there. The first one was a lanky young man, dressed in white linen kind of shirt with dark blue denim pants to go with. Both of us waited patiently for my mechanic to turn up, finally after 35-40 minutes I saw my mechanic (Naushad Bhai) riding into the street. Naushad bhai is a man with very small built (around 5 feet and 2 inches), dark complexion (well what did you expect) and very humble personality. Naushad bhai hails from Bihar so he uses a lot of 'huzoor', 'bhai-jaan' and other goodies in his conversations (very unlike Delhi). However, like many men who seem to have inadequate vertical presence their area of influence spreads horizontally. Naushad bhai's work is well known in the whole of NCR and that day I saw it for myself.

The man in white owned a Royal Enfield Electra (2007 model) and he has come from Palval. Palval (I was told) is a small town near Mathura and it falls in Haryana. I have heard a lot about Haryanvis, and this guy was far from that description ... but as we started talking I realized why many detest Haryanvis. The conversation that happened is as follows (needless to say I have edited some, and removed many inappropriate words ... to make my blog suitable for all ages).

Haryanvi : Kyaa bhai, MH number ki gaadi?

Me : Haan ji. Bombay se lee thi.

Haryanvi : hmmmm. Yaar main kabhi Bombay nahi gaya.

Me : Jaa ke aayiye. Kaafi sahi jagah hai

Haryanvi: Theek hai. Kitna kharcha ho jayega?

Me : Plan banao. Kitne din, kitne log aur kaafi aur cheezon pe depend karega na.

Haryanvi: hmmmm. Bombay jaane mein bas ek hee tension hai ...

Me : kya?

Haryanvi: Roj roj jo gang-war hote hain na wahaan *beep*

Me : Roz nahi hote. Kisne kahaa aisa?

Haryanvi: TV mein, hamaare palval mein bhee har koi yahi bolta hai.

Me : Hmmm. Tension mat lo, roz nahi hota. Main 6 saal wahaan raha hoon.

Haryanvi: Fir toh theek hai, ab yeh batao kharcha kitna hoga?

Me : (Hoping he could read the irritation on my face, but I was expecting too much) hmmm, dekhte hain, uske baare mein baad mein baat karenge.

Haryanvi: Haan theek hai. Waise mujhe darr nahi hai ... par apan kyu gang war mein padein. *beep* Jindagi mein sukoon hona chahiye, kisi cheej ki hawas nahi honi chahiye. Apna simpil jindagi honi chahiye.

Me : Jee

Haryanvi: Hamare yahaan kahawat hai ki jo aadmi ne pahan liya aur jo kha liya bas wohi uska hota hai. Uske alawa sab kuchh yahin chhoot jayega.

Me : Sahi baat hai

Haryanvi: Sikandar, itna bada raaja thha. Jab woh mara toh uske saath kya gaya?

Me : Kuchh nahi

Haryanvi: Wohi toh.

Me : (I was thinking when will it end...) sahi baat hai

Haryanvi: Imaandaari se apna kaam karo, Naushad ki tarah. (Naushad I am sure is used to such praises; he was busy with my gearbox). Naushad ke paas isliye log itna door se aate hain kyunki yeh imaandaar hai.

Me : (I knew it somehow...) haan woh toh hai

Haryanvi: (To Naushad) Bhai, jaldi meri gaadi bhee dekh liyo aaj haajiri lagaane jaana hai.

Me : (I don't know why but I did ask him) Hajiri?

Haryanvi: Haan bhai ... yahi saala *beep* court kachheri kee hajiri

Me : aap ? Kyoon ? (for some reason I was not surprised)

Haryanvi: Property ka kaam hai na apna bhai ...

Me : hmmm

Haryanvi: Roz ka hee hai *beep* Kabhi hamare peechhe police wale maame, kabhi court wale taaoo. Hum hamesha aage hee rahte hain (laughs)

Me : aage rahna bhee chahiye life mein (didn't know what else to say)

Haryanvi: aage toh hamesha see hee rahe hain, kisi ko bhee ladh bajaana ho ... ghar mein hee bees log hain. Kisi baahar wale ki zaroorat nahi hai *beep*. Bas brothar life mein ek kami rah gayi ...

Me : Kya (I was so sure he will say a trip to Bangkok)

Haryanvi: Padhayi zyaada nahi kar paya (Damn !! I was disappointed). Ingliss ki kami kaafi lagti hai mujhe. Aap ko toh ingliss aati hogi na?

Me : Haan jee. Thodi bahut ...

Haryanvi: Brothar, mujhe apne saath kaam pe rakh lo. Ingliss sikha do bas, baaki toh hamari life mein koi kami na hai.

Me : Bhai sahab aap english newspaper padha karo, english films dekha karo aur seekh jaoge.

Haryanvi : Lekin mining (pronounced as mining in coal-mining) kaun batayega?

Me : Mining ?????

Haryanvi: Haan, 'maai-neeeng'

Me : aaah, (i finally joined the dots) ... dictionary.

Haryanvi : Itni mehnat kaun karega. Waise mehnat kaafi zaroori hai, mehnat ke aage duniya jhukti hai. Naushad itni mehnat karta hai isi liye he toh hum *beep* palval se yahaan tak aate hain. Kyun bhai Naushad sahi hai na ??

He started talking to Naushad and I made an exit. I had to make a conversation with him in the evening as well, but that’s another story.