Friday, September 4, 2009

I don't belong here - Adolescense


I was not complete alien to a camera. I have used a friend's Nikon film SLR when I was working in Genpact. I really loved the sound of the shutter, the vision from viewfinder and the feeling that I have the power to steal a moment from time and print it on paper.
I had to lie to my dad that I need a camera for industry tours that were part of the MBA curriculum, else he wouldn't have let me buy such an expensive camera. But today no one seems to mind that harmless lie. So I bought myself a Nikon F55, a damn neat camera and we are still going strong.
As soon as I got my hands on the camera, there was no looking back. I was clicking portraits, landscapes, architecture, and just about everything except the factories on MBA industrial tours. I have always been fond of traveling and my camera became my best travel buddy. As soon as the lectures were over, I was out with my camera chasing birds.
The feeling was matured enough not to disturb a really busy man. It was just me, my camera and the nature. It was bliss.
It's hard to stay away from internet in a B-school. There are lectures to attend and pink newspapers to read. For everything else ... there is google. I started uploading my pictures on a few photography sites just to showcase my work. There were these great people (all over the world) who would visit and leave their comments. It really helped me sharpen my skills and learn new photography tricks.
It was time for summer internship now. There were companies visiting the campus and everyone wanted to be in DHL or Asian Paints or ICICI. I managed to get into Britannia Industries Ltd. It was a decent name to have on your resume. My project wasn't too far from campus, I had to go Thane.
My first day at internship. My internship guide comes on time. He was a small man, with small moustaches, small beard, small spects and a big belly. My summer project was titled 'Developing new Channels for Britannia', no Britannia isn't into broadcasting ... it makes good biscuits. So here I was at a distributor of Britannia in Thane, dresses in brand new Van Heusen formals, waiting for my guide to explain my job to me. As soon as the guide finished telling me what he has in store for me, the feeling returned like lightening.
Thane has a lot of industries. My job was to visit all the possible factories and commercial establishments in Thane and try to sell Britannia biscuits there. It was so hot. As soon as I stepped out of the distributor's shop, the 'I don't belong here' feeling was back.
I was walking in the sun, with a map of Thane and a list of schools, factories, BPOs and canteens I had to visit. Why can't they have summer internships in November-December?
Well those two months in Thane were horrible. I would leave everyday from my hostel at 9.30 and return around 7 pm. I just walked whole day in the sun, Thane-Mulund and more Thane. Will I be doing this for my living after I pass out of B-school ? The thoughts in my mind were scary. My priorities for the summer project changed. I didnt want to sell biscuits now, I just wanted to write a status against the names on the list given to me. I just wanted to visit them all, and finish it as soon as I can. 'I don't belong here', it echoed in me.
After 10-12 days, some of my hostel mates who had similar exciting summer jobs began falling ill. Walking in sun all-day was too much for the future managers, who studied in air conditioned class rooms. My room-mate at hostel stopped going out for his research based project. I remember once when I was leaving for another exciting day at work, he said "Health is wealth Uba". It just stuck into my mind that day. So after 15 days of roaming and no potential deals in my list, I started to take it easy.
If Thane had all the places in list, it also had lot of parks and lakes. So i started to explore things which were not in my list. Sometimes I would just sit by a lake in shade on a bench and observe people. There were these people beside lakes, who can clean your ears for a few bucks with so much of precision. So i saw lot of people who came, relaxed by the lake and returned with better hearing. Every evening when I called my guide to report the progress, the 'I don't belong here' will get louder and louder with every passing day.
The two month ordeal came to an end. One more day in Thane and I would have joined the 'lets make hearing better' team. After all we were good friends now. I submitted my report, got the project completion certificate and was waiting for the stipend.
All this while I didn't get a chance to click. The camera waited for me in my hostel, it suely wanted a new friend. I wanted to go out and click birds again. I wanted to click them without them realizing it. I knew I need a tele-lens for the same. So the very day I got stipend, I went to South Mumbai and got a Tamron 300 MM lens for my Nikon. Hell Yeah, a Tamron 300 MM.
I can see the Taj Mahal from Mumbai now.

Wednesday, September 2, 2009

I don't belong here

As far as I can remember, this feeling has been a significant contributor to my life. When I look back and try to look for its origins, I am reasonably sure that it was born during my college days.
Passing out from the grand 'Saint Xavier School' of Jaipur and entering the 'Rajasthan University Commerce college' was definitely something that gave birth to this 'I don't belong here' feeling. And the rest is history, we really have come a long way now.

After the college, I started working for GE Capital now known as Genpact. BPO was the big thing back then and GE was famous for sending its employees to USA, so I joined. After working for 14 months I just managed to go till Gurgaon and my accent was half American. My friends called me 'Dale Roberts' (my alias name for calling US customers) and not Devesh and I knew more about Wisconsin and Nevada than Rajasthan and Delhi. The feeling in me was nurturing in this all the more hostile place. When I looked around there were these people all around me who were happy with living in someother time-zones, who still have the Indian version of 'the American Dream' alive in them and who were intellectually excited about the part-time MBA programmes at office. Everyone around me was happy with the job, excited about the 'samosas and maggi' that we had outside office at 3 Am and enjoying the money (and swearwords) they were getting for making calls. My disinterest was showing on my face and also on my monthly evaluations. May be I wasn't good at my job and I just wanted to escape whatever the reasons might be, the feeling was getting its daily dose of nutrition.

I don't belong here, I once told it to my boss at GE. And he approved my study leaves for CAT (the MBA entrance test). So here was a call centre employee, trying hard to reclaim his identity and biological clock. The feeling did drive me hard and I managed to clear the test. The result was not too great, but enough to take me to a decent business school of India. I managed to get into K.J.Somaiya Institute of Management Studies and Research (SIMSR), it was consistently rated amongst the top 20 B-schools of country. I was happy with the effort and the result.

The year was 2004, the city was Mumbai and my exact location was SIMSR (Near Ghatkopar East). In the initial months, I met some really intelligent people from all around the country and I was feeling better. I could however, feel the competition and pressure to perform right after the first month. There were lectures, classes, group projects, assigments, tests, books, journals, library, lecturers, laptops, notes, computer labs, guest lectures, seminars, events, spread sheets, mathematics and so many other things that I didn't like. Well I am sorry to say, but the feeling was coming back to me.

I have just finished the first trimester with average grade. I want to finish the course and the 'I don't belong here' feeling is setting up in my mind. I managed to run away from my job but this is a professional course and I can't run from here. So what do we do now? In such times you take some decisions that change the entire course of your life. Let's buy a camera. A camera ? Yes a Nikon film SLR, was my answer to this dilemma.

To be continued ....
I don't belong here - The feeling reaches Adolescence