I was always in two minds if I should write this or not. The two minds however, are convinced due to the following two reasons:
a) I have already written and posted my feelings for sun and the moon. Sadly we just have one sun and one moon for earth. Hence, it is safe to assume that I am in dearth of original ideas.
b) Since I am single, I am more vulnerable to acts of crime like these.
My job makes me deal with a lot of service provides, fondly called as vendors. When my company selects a vendor/agency over the other agencies, after considering several factors (read cost) an agreement is signed between the two. The most interesting thing for me in these agreements is the ‘exit clause’. I wonder who invented this Exit Clause, how did it came into practice and how it became essential to these agreements.
I might not be a charmer, an extrovert or someone who wears party wear to work. Still, I have my servile ways of getting attention from the opposite sex. “Oh Devesh, you are so different than other guys I have seen” is what they always say but sadly I have found them all same (with a few cosmetic changes though). I have classified them in the following types for greater understanding. It is however, possible for one person to fit in more than one type. So depending on their acts and type, the Exit Clause is used.
Type 1: “Ignorance is Bliss”
I heard this phrase (Ignorance is bliss) from my guitar teacher – Mr. Naveen Malvea in 2002. Somehow I never understood it completely back then, but now I know what ignorance means comprehensively. In short, ignorant are not those who don’t know much, but ignorant are those who can produce rationale (with conviction mind you) to justify their ignorance. These are the ones who want to remain in that bliss, which I despise.
An example of this type is as follows:
She: So what kind of music you listen to?
Me: Hmm … rock, qawwali, sufi, old hindi music, gazals and Pink Floyd. And you?
She: Everything (read: Nothing). And I like old hindi music and hate rock.
Me: Nice. What old music you listen to? Hemant Kumar and Manna Dey ??
She: Dude, who is Hemant Kumar? I have heard Manna Dey lol
Me: He has sung some legendary hindi songs. “Chhupa lo yoon dil mein pyaar mera”
She: wait. You like such uncle ji songs? Lol
Me: Yes. That’s what old hindi music (from films) is about. What do you listen to?
She: Kishore Kumar
Me: Hmm .. he is good. But you should listen to these legends too…
She: No. I won’t. I think they are too boring.
Me: (by now I know where it is headed). BORING? You THINK?
She: yes dude. Boring, no music no beats. And you are no one to tell me who I should listen to. It’s my personal choice. I am happy listening Kishore, I will listen to him.
Fortunately, the exit clause came into picture here.
Action taken: Blocked from chat list.
Notice period: Nil.
Type 2: The Fakers.
Well we know what fake is, so I wouldn’t explain this types.
An example of the same is here:
Me: Well I just saw Inception. What an awesome film!!
She: Really? You have already seen it?
Me: Off course. For a film featuring Leonardo, directed by Nolan and Music by Zimmer …someone like me can’t wait.
She: Wow. I envy you. And btw I am a huge Leonardo fan too (smiley)
Me: Oh yes. I love that actor. I think if he continues like this he will soon be termed legend.
She: I think he is too sweet and chocolaty to be in that league.
Me: (scratching my head). Chocolaty? Are we talking about Leonardo DiCaprio?
She: Off course.
Me: (was hoping she was talking of someone else). Have you seen The Departed?
She: No. I don’t like action films.
Me: Ok. (Seeing her FB profile, that says she is in love with DiCaprio)
She: hmmmmmm
Me: (couldn’t help asking) which films of DiCaprio have you seen?
She: Titanic.
Me: And??
She: Tried watching Aviator. That was so shitty.
Me: I loved that film (I seriously did). Have seen it more than ten times (smiley)
She: What? How can you? I pity you dude. (Smiley)
Any more words here would have made Exit Clause helpless. So, I chose to quit.
Action taken: Blocked from chat list.
Removed from FB friend’s list.
Profile reported to FB as ‘fake profile’ (just for my satisfaction)
Type 3: The baby-sitters.
Well, we all like someone who cares. There is however, a huge difference between caring and baby-sitting. Please read the following conversation for more clarity. For your information I had barely met this girl 2-3 times and she talked as if we were married for 5 years.
She: Wassup?
Me: Office yaa. Working.
She: Did you have lunch?
Me: Yep.
She: What did you have?
Me: I had a chicken sub at Subway.
She: OMG. How can you eat the same thing every single day?
Me: I like it. It’s healthy. And I keep changing the type of chicken in sub.
She: lol. Really? There are different types of chicken? Lol. One is black. One is white. One is Asian.
Me: Not really. Like there are different kinds of mangoes. Smiley
She: Chicken is the same. And you shouldn’t have it everyday.
Me: (already cursing myself for talking about chicken with a vegetarian) OK.
She: Wow. You agreed? You are such a sweet guy.
Me: I didn’t agree. But what is the point talking about chicken with a vegetarian. So, I said ok. Let’s not talk about it.
She: Yeah. Cool. What are you doing in the eve?
Me: I will be late (just to play safe, I didn’t want to see her and eat veg sandwich)
She: Ok. I will be free in next fifteen minutes. (smiley)
Me: Cool (I was expecting this. Grins inside)
She: What about your dinner?
Me: There is a farewell party at office tonight. One of my very good friend and team members has put in his papers. So we will give him a farewell.
She: Which means you will be drinking tonight?
Me: Was that a question?
She: Why do you drink everyday?
Me: Last time I drank was 20 days back (it was 18 though, when I think of it)
She: Once a month is not enough for you?
Me: It’s an occasion. (smiley)
She: So is there just one way of celebrating all your occasions?
Me: No, not really. If he was a rider friend, we would have done a ride and beer for him. (why the hell I am explaining it)
She: See … BEER again.
Me: Smiley (Irritated by now)
She: Why don’t you quit drinking Devesh?
Me: Why should I? (frustrated)
She: Because I would like that (smiley)
(tipping point)
I am sure you are feeling suffocated reading this. I almost choked that day, so I opted for the Exit Clause.
Action Taken: Ignore forever.
Notice period: A month.
Note: This is a docu-drama. I didn’t intend to make fun of any of my muse. However, if I have offended someone, I am sorry (but I also fear that you are one of the above mentioned types).
Appu's latest blog entry was also part of my inspiration to write this one.
